He kept the red sneakers. I got the closet.

For more than a year, I asked my son to clear out his bedroom closet. He doesn't live here anymore, but his clothes, shoes, and other miscellaneous items did. Meanwhile, twice a year, I schlepped my out-of-season clothes down two flights of stairs to the basement and back up again.

Yes, I'm a professional organizer. And I couldn't seem to get this one closet emptied in my own house.

If that sounds familiar, you're in good company. Asking wasn't working, so I changed my approach. Here's what finally worked for me, and what I'd suggest if your adult children's belongings are still living "at home."

1. Say what you need the space for

"Come get your stuff" is easy to put off. "I need this closet for my clothes so I can stop carrying them up and down two flights of stairs" is a real reason, and it's about you, not about them.

When the request has a purpose behind it, it stops sounding like nagging and starts sounding like a plan.

2. Take everything out so they can see it

I emptied the closet completely before he arrived. Nobody can make decisions about things they can't see.

Laid out in the open, the pile was much less daunting than he'd imagined, and most of it he hadn't thought about in years. Seeing it all at once made the decisions quicker and easier.

3. Talk about where it could go

The rule was simple: if it was something he wanted to use, he had to take it with him. If he wants it, it belongs where he lives.

For the rest, I got him to agree that the clothes could be donated and worn by someone who needs them. Giving something away is easier than throwing it out.

4. Concede what matters, and set a limit

I conceded one item: the red Nike basketball sneakers he wore when he won a basketball tournament at summer camp 11 years ago. Some things are worth keeping.

Then I gave him one large clear bin for keepsakes. The bin, sneakers included, lives in the basement storage area, which has room now that my clothes are upstairs. One bin means he chooses what earns a spot.

5. Schedule it, and overestimate the time

I told him it would take an hour. I knew it would take less.

He came over and went through everything in 20 minutes. After a year of asking, we were done in 20 minutes.

The payoff

My clothes now hang in that closet, in the room right next to my bedroom. My twice-a-year trips up and down the stairs with armfuls of clothes are over.

The lesson I took away is one I share with clients all the time: when something isn't getting done, it usually isn't about willpower. It's about the approach. A clear reason, a visible pile, a simple rule, a firm limit, and a set time turned a year-long standoff into a 20-minute job.

Is there a space in your home that still belongs to someone who moved out?

If there's a closet, a bedroom, an attic, or a basement corner in your house that's still holding onto someone who's moved on, I can help. I can get the space ready for that conversation, or be right there with you for it, so you can reclaim your space.